Dear Dr. Beast,
Back to adhesive matters. We're working on building a structure out of pasta and we need a good adhesive for the project.
Thus far trial and error have us checking out liquid nails again. Any other suggestions

Dear OV:
I think I need a little more information on this one. Is the pasta
the only material being used, or is the pasta being affixed to something
else? The type of pasta(s) matters, as does the general nature of the
structure. I would use different things for a angel hair Eiffel Tower
than I would for a ziti and lasagna log home in honor of Lincoln for
President's Day. As a general rule, if the stress points are not too
stressed, you can use something like Weldbond wood glue. There is
another substance called gorilla glue, which is a very strong all
purpose glue, but expensive and difficult to clean up. So, the answer
depends on who is using the glue and what they are making. I am not
sure if there is a liquid nails appropriate for the application you are
talking about. Weldbond is pretty strong, and cleans up well. Liquid
nails tends to be harder to clean up. Since the glue joints will be
exposed, (unlike the previous case) the tidiness is important.

   Dr. Beast

Dear Dr. Beast,
There are large black bugs crawling out of the urinals at work. While this was
sort of amusing in the beginning, it's become a nuisance of late. What can we do?
(Do to the extraodinary lack of water pressure, flushing them does not work.)


Dear OV:
I am not sure what kind of bugs they are, so I'll give you some general advice.
Soap poured down the drain does wonders if they're roaches. The important thing
is not to throw in matchsticks or cigarette buts; they could learn to polevault.
Ice is also commonly thrown in urinals (supposedly it keeps the smell down due to lower temperatures; it
would also provide a constant flow and colder air might discourage the bugs.
If nothing else, it's fun and challenging to see how much ice you can melt with a single visit).
Beyond that, you could contact Tom Ray, who used to be big in bathrooms.

   Dr. Beast

Dear Dr. Beast,
How much TV is too much TV?

Concerned Viewer

Dear Chauncy Gardner:
Findings vary; the primary hazard from television isn't so much that you'll go blind (my apologies to mother's everywhere!), but the dangers imposed by electromagnetic radiation. While US Standards indicate that few, if any of us, are in danger, Soviet standards are considerably more stringent. It's probably best to sit as far from the television as comfortable viewing and the acceptable volume allows. This will not make it 100% safe, but if you wanted 100% safe you'd have to become the "Boy in the Plastic Bubble".

Dear Dr. Beast,
Did the Wicked Witch of the West melt, or dissolve?


Dear OV:
As I recall, she says "I'm Mellllllting". I guess that is your answer. She would have dissolved if
she was made of "sugar and spice and everything nice,", but she's a lot closer to snkaes and snails and puppy dog tails. Oops, sorry Toto.

Dear Dr. Beast,
Hey, how much do you think Winter Camp XXIII (23 for the illuminated) is going to cost? Will it be more for adults?

Silly questions

Dear Silly Person:
The future of Winter Camp appears to be sound. Recent year earnings reports, while not complete, are encouraging. Attendance figures are solid. Expenses increased modestly from the previous fiscal year, in line with the relatively low rate of inflation. Additional infrastructure investments (candy machines) and plant improvements (cabin remodeling) augur well for the long term future of Winter Camp. WCFS has an interesting balance sheet and provides a backup for the main operation. As a result, the projected cost for Winter Camp XXIII is $32.32 for Youth, with adults paying a premium at $38.38. This is based on a simple mathematical projection and does not incorporate any major structural shifts in the supply-demand structure.

The information contained in this report is based on sources believed to be reliable, but we do not guarantee its completeness or accuracy. This report is for information purposes only and is not intended to be an offer to buy or sell securities referred to herein. Opinions expressed are subject to change without notice. Past performance is not indicative of future results.

Dear Dr. Beast,
Given the different time zones, and modern transportation, how many times could one person possibly celebrate New Year's 99/00?


Dear OV:
Given modern transportation, you can celebrate it 24 times. Imagine getting on the Concorde and flying around the world. You don't have to be on the ground to celebrate.
Given the widespread concern about Y2K bugs in the air traffic control system, once might be safer. You can also celebrate 24 times without leaving your home, simply celebrate on behalf of your
fellows in other time zones. In thelectronic world, why be constrained by place.

Dear Dr. Beast,
I need some advice on adhesive. I am involved in a battle with
my barber. We take turns super gluing things (mostly change) to the
sidewalk, to see who will try and pick it up first. I have noticed that it
only takes a few days before the coins can be kicked loose. Could you
recommend an adhesive that will bond to cement and metal, that will retain
its hold even in rather cold temperatures, and that lasts longer than a
couple of days?


Dear OV:
Sorry about the delay. I was waiting to speak with "Ask Dr. Beast" consulting engineer Douglas "That man there"
Wilson. He suggested that you try the solvent style of liquid nails. Good luck, and I hope the advice isn't too late.

Dear Dr. Beast,
Hey, you called me a mendicant. What does that mean? And what is this mulch thing I hear so much about?

Groo the Wanderer

Dear Dense One:
If you could read, you would know that mendicant is term used to describe either a beggar, or
a member of a monastic order (as the Fransiscans) combining monastic life and outside religious activity and
originally owning neither personal nor community property. You belong to the brotherhood of war and, outside of
the blue thing around your neck, own nothing but the tools or your trade. Of course,
bieng literate would also be useful to learn that mulch is a dog or a protective covering spread on the ground especially
to reduce evaporation, maintain even soil temperatures, prevent erosion, control temperatures or enrich the soil. Using both in a sentence in the Winter Camp context:
At the Beggar's Banquet, the heartless Wilson left the starving mendicants on the cabin floor like so much mulch.
Any other questions, ask the Sage or Rufferto.

Dear Dr. Beast,
So what is the current WC recipe for pizza crust?

Occasional Visitor

Dear Seagram's OV:
Sorry about the delay but I actually had to do some research. The current recipe is as follows:
Ingredient Amount Unit
Milk 4 Oz.
Salt 0.5 Oz.
Flour 16 Oz.
Sugar, White 0.5 Oz.
Yeast 1 Pkg.
Residual Moisture 4 Oz.

  1. Sprinkle yeast and 1/2 tsp sugar into 1 cup of warm water Stir till yeast dissolves.
  2. Combine flour, and 1 1/2 tsp salt in a large bowl; make a well in the center; pour in yeast mixture; gradually work in flour to form a stiff dough.
  3. Turn our onto lightly floured surface. Knead until smooth and elastic.
  4. Place in oiled bowl, cover and let rise 45 minutes.
  5. When doubled in bulk, flatten and use as desired.
The wording of the recipe, including "residual moisture" and "use as desired" should give you
a clue Jeff Rand was the source of the recipe. Mark Bollman, CEO of Bollmano's (The Finest Italian Cuisine in
the Wilderness) indicated that crust research is still continuing,
but much of Bollmano's R&D money was redirected to cover expenses
associated with the hostile takeover of the Little Ozzie's operation.

Good luck with it, some say it is salty, but I always enjoy the taste.

Dear Dr. Beast,
Hey, your answer about the sky is all wet. Sure, light there is refracted and
the color is filtered and combined, but computers work in a different way.
While regular colors are additive, so that blue, yellow and red can be combined
to make any color you want, computer colors are negative; that's why they use
RGB -- red, green and blue.

In the real world, we start with white and add colors. In the computer world,
we start with black and subtract.

What have you got to say for yourself?

Budding Computer Genius

Dear Know It All:
You have made a valid point. It makes perfect sense if you are talking about
the way the the colors are created. If however, the question is about human perception (which the original question was)
of the colors created, then I assure you that light refraction in the atmosphere has a great deal
to do with colors. It is all in the way you look atthe question.

Dear Dr. Beast,
Why are Suporvisors so stupid?

Enraged Worker

Dear Postal Employee:
One guess is that they are not stupid, just confused because some people do not know how
to spell their title. More realistically, all supervisors are stupid, until
you become a supervisor. then supervisors are intellignet individuals stifled
by the minute intellect of their peon employees. Some people also talk about the
Peter Principle, which states that dickheads usually get promoted over people with a clue.

Dear Dr. Beast,
Why is the sky green?

Color blinded

Dear John:
It is green for the same reason that the Wintercamp homepage background is green.
It has to do with the refraction of various light particles in the visible spectrum
when viewed through the atmosphere. For more details, see Bill Nye, Science Guy.

Dear Dr. Beast,
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a TOOTSIE POP?
Just A Guy

Dear Monsieur LaFleur (just a Guy):
Well, if you had paid attention earlier, you would have known that the answer is
the same as for how many stupid questions in a row one can ask ... According to
the owl of cartoon advertising fame, the answer is three. However, the owl always
cheated and crunched the Tootsie Pop, so I think that he was inferring from a biased experiment.
I suggest that we get a box of Tootsie Pops for Winter Camp, establish measures for licks and a precise
definition for the center of a Tootsie Pop and conduct empirical tests using Winter Campers as a sample population.
This would be a logical follow up to the famed Cola Taste Test that Drs. Wilson, Rand and Pepper conducted at a previous
Winter Camp. I can buy the Tootsie Pops, as my primary occupation is with a research foundation and
funding is available for applied research. Any takers?

Dear Dr. Beast,
Why do you think so many long time Winter Campers are balding? You, Jeff, Steve, Ozzie, Roger, even Doug Wilson has some discernible hair loss these days. Is it something in the water or what?

Just curious

Dear I'm not only the President, I'm also a customer:
Your water theory make sense, except for Horn. All the rest of us drank the rat water at Winter Camp I. Kinda makes you wonder how much hair Tom Conroy has nowadays, eh! As for Horn, he is an old guy with a lot on his mind, so it's probably genetic.

Dear Dr. Beast,
Is global warming real, or is it just a tool of the liberal media?

Sitting here snowless

Dear Snowless in South Parks:
I want to start with the phrase "tool of the liberal media. First I agree that many of the people who make uo the media are tools. Second, why is the media so liberal when its owners are so Republican?
On to your real question, Global Warming may be real, but the final analysis is not complete. Scientist who look at the entire earth over very long periods of time "cosmologists" are not unified in their opinion. (at least that's my understanding)
My guess on your current snowlessness is that it is caused by El Nino, a masked wrestler from Mexico dominating the WWF and WCW.

Dear Dr. Beast,
Why is time unidirectional?
a One-Way Traveller

Dear One-Way Traveller:
It is not, you have been missing out on a lot.

Dear Dr. Beast,
Why do fuzz balls collect on my socks?
Frustrated Washer

Dear Loser,:
Your boots are too tight, your socks too old and your attitude poor. The fuzz balls in
question are probably the only balls on you of measurable size, so just be grateful.

Dear Dr. Beast,
Why is there air?

Air exist as a medium or conduct for the distribution for flatus. As you know, nobody gags on a wet one in a vacuum.

Dear Dr. Beast,
Why are there always so many flies near equine/bovine animals?
Animal Lover

Dear Animal Lover:
Much as Detroit has Joe Louis Arena and The Renaissance Center as designated convention centers for humans, farms have larger animals (ovines, bovines,equines) to act as fly convention centers.


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